Doesn't matter what happens you will make yourself understood no matter the cost. If you have given it up already, pick it up again. My advice, first hang on to a topic, as meaningless as it may seems it is your lifeline to sanity. I don't know if she "hoovered" or whatever but it felt liberating to talk and felt like I was right to not give up on that topic. I would talk about it less and less up until the point where I left, which was the trigger for her to actually listen instead of throwing a tantrum. A tiny meaningless topic I didn't give up on and that I was determined to make myself feel understood on that one. I too realized I hated being misunderstood.
They only remember what they want and only if it can benefit their idea of being a victim. I did explain that the week previous I had agreed to bring him to her place so she could see him, and she said that never happened. She took out all nuance and context and made it into this horrible situation for herself. So to her, I told her I would never come get our son from her place, and if she wanted to spend time with him, then she'd have to come get him. She reminds me of what I said, a few weeks back, but warps it into "you said if I wanted to see him then I'd have to come pick him up." That's all she got out of our previous conversation. I told her that would be fine, but she's always volunteering to drop him off at my place. I told her I wasn't going to do that since it was in the opposite direction of where I work and I could drop our son on the way there and if she wanted to spend extra time with him in the morning, then she'd have to be the one to get him.įast forward to a week ago, and she tells me that it would be nice if I would agree to pick up our son from her place sometimes. At one point, she asked if I would either drop our son off to her (she lives 20 minutes away) or half way.
So one week she'll pick up our son early in the morning, and the next she'll get him a little later. They're going to always believe no matter what you say or do.Įxample: My pwBPD's work schedule changes week to week. It's never going to matter how well you explain things. How have y'all dealt with the warped reality? Or gotten over that feeling of being misunderstood? My therapist and I have discovered that it's a trigger for me not to feel understood, so it's especially affecting. I know that would be counterproductive, but I'm still in that "but if she just listened to reason!" mindset. But so much of me wants to reach out and try to convince her that the reality is not what she thinks it is. Last we spoke, she listed a slew of things that I had supposedly done to wrong her (most of which didn't happen in the way she imagines), and then said she was unwilling to have a relationship until I took responsibility for these supposed attacks that I made. Sorry for the vagueness, but can never be too careful. In the latter case, she's refused to change her mind even when presented with evidence - emails, texts, you name it - that shows that her interpretation doesn't really make sense. Do any of y'all's contacts who have BPD have a completely warped sense of what is real? I'm struggling with that.īackground: my SIL has not spoken to me in ~2 years because of perceived slights that either a) didn't happen at all, or b) have been misinterpreted.
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